Snow Rules Street Parking

One winter morning during breakfast, a husband and wife
in northern Minnesota were listening to the radio. They heard
the announcer say, “We are going to have eight to ten inches of
snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of
the street so that the snowplows can get through.”
So, the good wife went out and moved her car.
A week later, while they are eating breakfast again, the radio
announcer said, “We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today.
You must park your car on the odd-numbered side of the street
so that the snowplows can get through.”
The good wife went out and moved her car again..
The next week, they are again having breakfast, when the radio
announcer says, “We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today.
You must park…”
Then the electric power went out. The good wife was very upset
and with a worried look on her face, she said, “Honey, I don’t
know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park
on so that the snowplows can get through?”
With love and understanding in his voice, the husband replies.
“why don’t you just leave it in the garage this time.”

Funny Business Signs

Sign over a Gynecologist’s Office: “Dr. Jones, at your cervix.” ************************** In a Podiatrist’s office: “Time wounds all heels.” ************************** On a Septic Tank Truck: “Yesterday’s Meals on Wheels” ************************** At a Proctologist’s door: “To expedite your visit, please back in.” ************************** At an Optometrist’s Office: “If you don’t see what you’re looking for, you’ve … Continue reading

Having A Son

An older gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation. As he was about to get the anesthesia, he asked to speak to his son. “Yes, Dad, what is it?” “Don’t be nervous, son; do your best, and just remember, if it doesn’t … Continue reading

Prescription for the rest of life

A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor’s office. “Is it true,” she wanted to know, “that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?” “‘Yes, I’m afraid so,”‘ the doctor told her. There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied, “I’m wondering, then, just how serious … Continue reading

Ole The Painter

Ole, while not a brilliant scholar, was a gifted portrait artist. His fame grew…… and soon people from all over the country were coming to Minnesota to have portraits done. One day, a stretch limo pulled up to his house. Inside was a beautiful woman, and she asked Ole if he would paint her in … Continue reading

Ole – The Doctor

A doctor in Duluth, Minnesota wanted to get off work and go hunting, so he approached his assistant. “Ole, I am goin’ huntin’ tomorrow and don’t want to close the clinic. I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of all my patients.” “Yes, sir!” answers Ole. The doctor goes hunting … Continue reading

Jokes To Offend Everyone

What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover ? The position of the dirt bag. Why is divorce so expensive? Because it’s worth it. What do you call a smart blonde? A golden retriever. What do lawyers use for birth control? Their personalities.. What’s the difference between a girlfriend and wife? 20 kgs. … Continue reading

A Joke For Truck Drivers

A truck driver was pulled over by a State Trooper. The patrolman told him to get out of the truck, and noticed the driver appeared to be putting something in his mouth as he stepped out of the cab. Figuring the driver was putting away his pep pills, the patrolman asked “Did I just see … Continue reading

Ethel’s Big Night

Last week, Ethel checked into a motel on her 70th birthday and she was a bit lonely. She thought, “I’ll call one of those men you see advertised in phone books for escorts and sensual massages.” She looked through the phone book, found a full page ad for a guy calling himself Tender Tony – … Continue reading

The Bacon Tree

Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert after crossing into the United States , wandering aimlessly and starving. They are about to just lie down and await death when all of a sudden Luis says……… “Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell? Ees bacon, I theenk.” “Ees, Luis, eet sure smell like bacon.” With … Continue reading

Bubba and Emily Sue

Emily Sue passed away and Bubba called 911. The 911 operator told Bubba that she would send someone out right away. “Where do you live?” asked the operator. Bubba replied, “At the end of Eucalyptus Drive.” The operator asked, “Can you spell that for me?” There was a long pause and finally Bubba said, “How … Continue reading

Aviaries and a Cockatoo

Frannie went to the doctor, saying she had a problem with her aviaries. The doctor said, “Frannie, you’re being silly. You mean ovaries. Aviaries are where you find birds.” Frannie shook her head and said she meant ‘aviaries’. Not prepared to argue, the doctor told her to get on the couch for an inspection. After … Continue reading

Worse than a Double Murder Suicide

One day, two deputies in the Sheriff’s Office answered an emergency call at a farmhouse. When they walked in, they found the nude bodies of a man and a woman in the bedroom. They had been shot to death.When they went to the living room, they found the body of a man with a gun … Continue reading

Insulting Mother-In-Law

The young wife was in tears when she opened the door for her husband. “I’ve been insulted,” she sobbed. “Your mother insulted me.” “My mother!” he exclaimed. “But she is a hundred miles away.” “I know, but a letter marked “Private, for George only” came for you this morning and I opened it.” He looked … Continue reading

Exam Answers from 8th Graders

The following questions were set in last year’s examination These are genuine answers (from 16 year olds)…………and they WILL breed. Q. Name the four seasons A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it … Continue reading