Funny Text Messages

I have often wondered why it is that the conservatives are called the “right” and the liberals are called the “left.”

By chance stumbled upon this verse in the Bible:

Ecclesiastes 10:2 (NIV)
“The heart of the wise inclines to the right, but the heart of the fool to the left.”

Yep, that’s it!

A friend of mine started his own business, making land-mines that look like prayer mats…. It’s doing well…..He says Prophets are going through the roof…

Relating Mexicans to a cue ball on a pool table “harder you hit it–the more ENGLISH you get”

I failed my biology exam today. I was asked to name 2 things commonly found in cells.
Apparently, Mexicans and black rapists is not the correct answer.

Can you spare just $2? Ranji is a 9yr old boy living in Namibia . He has only 1 leg, 1 arm and 1 eye. Each day he has to ride 7 miles to school along a narrow road on a rusty bike with bent wheels, no brakes and only 1 pedal. If you send us just $2, we will send you the video – its fucking hilarious.

I’m living next door to a Lebanese couple at the moment. They have 3 little kids and they’ve challenged me to a water fight in the back yard, so I’m just writing to you while the kettle boils!

There’s a new anti-depressant for lesbians on the market: Trycoxagain.

I’m sick to death of people knocking on my door looking for donations. Just had one from the sperm bank. Boy, did I give her a mouthful.

I’ve caught a stray parrot in my garden. All he says is, “good morning you ugly prick?” It’s not yours is it?

I met a fairy today who granted me one wish. “I want to live forever ” I said.

“Sorry” said the fairy, “I’m not allowed to grant wishes like that!”

“Fine” I said, “I want to die when the Cubs win the World Series!”

“You crafty bastard,” said the fairy.