Funny Text Messages

I’m living next door to a Lebanese couple at the moment. They have 3 little kids and they’ve challenged me to a water fight in the back yard, so I’m just writing to you while the kettle boils!

There’s a new anti-depressant for lesbians on the market: Trycoxagain.

I’m sick to death of people knocking on my door looking for donations. Just had one from the sperm bank. Boy, did I give her a mouthful.

I’ve caught a stray parrot in my garden. All he says is, “good morning you ugly prick?” It’s not yours is it?

I met a fairy today who granted me one wish. “I want to live forever ” I said. “Sorry” said the fairy, “I’m not allowed to grant wishes like that!” “Fine” I said, “I want to die when the Cubs win the World Series!” “You crafty bastard,” said the fairy.

Dr says to her female patient ” You look weak & exhausted are you having 3 meals 3x a day as advised?” Female replies ” I thought you said 3 males”