A sweet young thing took her seat on opening day of her college class. The young man behind her tapped her on the shoulder and asked, “What are you doing wearing a football jersey?” The girl replied, “Why, I bought it and own it. Why shouldn’t I wear it?” He said, “You’re not supposed to [...]
The policeman was walking his beat when he saw two men fighting and a little boy standing alongside them crying, “Daddy, Daddy!” The officer pulled the two men apart and, turning to the boy, asked, “Which one is your father, lad?” “I don’t know,” the boy said, rubbing tears from his eyes. “That’s what they’re [...]
A little boy came down to breakfast one day. Since he lived on a farm, his mother asked if he had done his chores.”Not yet,” said the little boy. His mother tells him he can’t have any breakfast until he does his chores. Well, he’s a little pissed, so he goes to feed the chickens, [...]
Staggering home from the office Christmas party, a man is stopped by the police at midnight and asked where he’s going. I’m on the way to listen to a lecture about the effects of alcohol and drug abuse on the human body The policeman asks, Really? And who Is going to give a lecture at [...]
A nurse covered in a white bedsheet surreptitiously glided up to Bill’s friend Harry’s bed. She hovered over Harry and then Screamed “BOOOOO!” The nurse then took off the sheet. Harry was very upset and said, “You scared the hell out of me! Look, I shit all over myself.! Why did you do that for???” [...]
What do you call a man with a broken condom? “Daddy.”
The preacher came to call the other day. He said at my age I should be thinking about the hereafter. I told him, “Oh, I do that all the time. No matter where I am, in the parlor, upstairs, in the kitchen or down in the basement, I ask myself, ‘What am I here after?’
Please be advised: I sick of receiving questions about my dog who mauled 3 Muslims, 6 illegal aliens, 4 Democrats wearing Pelosi T-shirts, 2 rappers, 5 phone operators who asked me to press #1 for English, 9 teenagers with their pants hanging down past their cracks, 8 customer service desk people speaking in broken English, [...]
He: “How many beers does it take to make you dizzy?” She: “About four or five, and don’t call me dizzy.”
I met a beautiful woman in the park the other evening…There was an instant spark between us and she fell at my feet. As we laid there, making love, I thought to myself, ”These tasers are well worth the money…”