Monthly Archives: February 2011

Following Parents Advice

“Oh Mom!” sobbed Little Mary, “I’m pregnant!” “What!? How could you?” screamed the Mother, “and just who is the father?” The daughter lifted up her tearful face and wailed, “How should I know? You’re the one who would never let me go steady!”

Need for Bra

He said to me . … . I don’t know why you wear a bra; you’ve got nothing to put in it I said to him …. . . You wear pants don’t you?

Switch Positions

He said to me … . ……… Shall we try swapping positions tonight? I said . That’s a good idea – you stand by the stove & sink while I sit on the sofa and do nothing but fart

Cured Ham

What disease did cured ham actually have?

Grocery Money

He said to me. … What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you? I said to him . ….. Turn sideways and look in the mirror!

Egotists

One nice thing about egotists: they don’t talk about other people

Feet Firmly On the Ground

Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I’ll show you a man who can’t get his pants off.

Foreplay

He said to me. ….. Why don’t women blink during foreplay? I said to him .. . They don’t have time.

Trouble With 4 Year Olds

Dave was staring sadly into his pint and sighed heavily. “What’s up Dave” asked the Landlord… “It’s not like you to be so down in the mouth” “It’s my four year old son…” the man replied. “Don’t tell me, he’s in trouble for fighting in school? – my lad’s just the same – forget about … Continue reading

Toilet Paper

He said to me. . How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper? I said to him .. .. I don’t know; it has never happened.

MMJ Bumper Stickers

She looked like such a sweet little old lady, driving the cute Toyota with a bumper sticker that said, “Grow your own dope.” How sweet, I thought, must be a medical marijuana patient. Then I noticed the rest of her message … “Plant a man.”