“Oh Mom!” sobbed Little Mary, “I’m pregnant!” “What!? How could you?” screamed the Mother, “and just who is the father?” The daughter lifted up her tearful face and wailed, “How should I know? You’re the one who would never let me go steady!”
He said to me . … . I don’t know why you wear a bra; you’ve got nothing to put in it I said to him …. . . You wear pants don’t you?
He said to me … . ……… Shall we try swapping positions tonight? I said . That’s a good idea – you stand by the stove & sink while I sit on the sofa and do nothing but fart
What disease did cured ham actually have?
He said to me. … What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you? I said to him . ….. Turn sideways and look in the mirror!
One nice thing about egotists: they don’t talk about other people
Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I’ll show you a man who can’t get his pants off.
He said to me. ….. Why don’t women blink during foreplay? I said to him .. . They don’t have time.
Dave was staring sadly into his pint and sighed heavily. “What’s up Dave” asked the Landlord… “It’s not like you to be so down in the mouth” “It’s my four year old son…” the man replied. “Don’t tell me, he’s in trouble for fighting in school? – my lad’s just the same – forget about [...]
He said to me. . How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper? I said to him .. .. I don’t know; it has never happened.
She looked like such a sweet little old lady, driving the cute Toyota with a bumper sticker that said, “Grow your own dope.” How sweet, I thought, must be a medical marijuana patient. Then I noticed the rest of her message … “Plant a man.”
I had amnesia once — or twice.
He said to me. . Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and Good- looking? I said to him . . . They already have boyfriends.
He said….What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night? I said. . . A widow.
Someone told me I was gullible and I believed them.