Funny Text Messages

Dear Martin Luther King Jr. I have a dream within a dream within a dream within another dream…. What now? Sincerely, Leonardo Di Caprio

My doctor canceled me as a patient. He said I’d gone too long without having anything expensive.

As Bobby serviced an alarm system at a jewelry store recently, the saleswoman let him know that the store was having a 20 percent off sale.”I bet your girlfriend would love it if you bought her something.” she suggested.”I don’t have a girlfriend,” he answered. “No girlfriend? Why not?” “My wife won’t let me.”

Dear Haiti, Is it too early to ask what’s shakin’? Sincerely, Seriously Going To Hell

Dear World, Please stop freaking out about 2012. Our calendars ends there because some Spanish d-bags invaded our country and we got a little busy ok? Sincerely, The Mayans

Pat and Mick landed themselves a job at a sawmill. Just before morning tea Pat yelled: “Mick! I lost me finger!” “Have you now?” says Mick. “And how did you do it?” “I just touched this big spinning thing here like thi… Darn! There goes another one!”

Congress has announced they intend to make it more difficult to claim Unemployment Benefits. Starting next Monday, the forms will be printed in English.

Dear Snooki, GET BACK TO WORK! Sincerely, Willy Wonka

This morning a coalition of Muslim leaders warned the United States that if military action against Muslim countries continues, they intend to cut off America ‘s supply of 7-11 and Motel 6 managers. If this action does not yield sufficient results, cab drivers will be next, followed by Dell, AT&T and AOL customer service reps. [...]

Dear White People, Don’t you just hate immigrants? Sincerely, Native Americans

Regarding the year 2000, a senior at Alabama was overheard saying … “when the end of the world comes, I hope to be in Alabama.” When asked why, he replied he’d rather be in Alabama because everything happens in Alabama 20 years later than in the rest of the civilized world

Dear iPhone, Please stop spellchecking all of my rude words into nice words. You piece of shut. Sincerely, Every iPhone User

Two British women were bemoaning the state of the National Health Service. One said, “Do you know, my ninety-four-year-old mother has been waiting over a year for her operation?” “That’s appalling,” said the other woman. “What a terrible way to treat someone of that age.” “I know,” said the first woman. “It got so bad [...]

Dear Noah, We could have sworn you said the ark wasn’t leaving till 5. Sincerely, Unicorns

Dear Man, It’s cute, but can you pick up peanuts with it? Sincerely, Elephant