Funny Text Messages

Dear Twilight fans, Please realize that because vampires are dead and have no blood pumping through them, they can never get an erection. Enjoy fantasizing about that. Sincerely, Logic

Dear Icebergs, Sorry to hear about the global warming. Karma’s a bitch. Sincerely, The Titanic

Dear J.K. Rowling, Your books are entirely unrealistic.. I mean, a ginger kid with two friends? Sincerely, Anonymous

I saw a Radical Muslim fall into the icy Niagara River this morning about 8:20. As a responsible citizen, I informed the local office of emergency services. It’s now 6:00 PM and they still haven’t responded! I’m starting to think I’ve wasted a friggin’ stamp.

Dear America, You produced Miley Cyrus. Bieber is your punishment. Sincerely, Canada

Dear Yahoo, I’ve never heard anyone say, “I don’t know, let’s Yahoo! it…” just saying… Sincerely, Google

Dear 2010, So I hear the best rapper is white and the president is black? WTF happened?! Sincerely, 1985

Dear Windshield Wipers, Can’t touch this. Sincerely, That Little Triangle

Dear Rose, There was definitely room on that Door for the both of us. Sincerely, Jack PS, you let go

Dear girls who have been dumped, There are plenty of fish in the sea… Just kidding! They’re all dead. Sincerely, BP

Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they worried someone will clean them?

Dear Saturn, I liked it, so I put a ring on it. Sincerely, God

Dear Fox News, So far, no news about foxes. Sincerely, Unimpressed

My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he’d dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So I fished it out and threw it in the garbage. Zachary stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my bathroom and came out with my toothbrush. He held it up and said [...]

Dear jf;ldsfa/kvsmmklnn, Please lknvfdmv.xvn. Sincerely, Stevie Wonder