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Monthly Archives: April 2011
Dear Twilight fans
Dear Twilight fans, Please realize that because vampires are dead and have no blood pumping through them, they can never get an erection. Enjoy fantasizing about that. Sincerely, Logic
Dear Icebergs
Dear Icebergs, Sorry to hear about the global warming. Karma’s a bitch. Sincerely, The Titanic
Dear J.K. Rowling
Dear J.K. Rowling, Your books are entirely unrealistic.. I mean, a ginger kid with two friends? Sincerely, Anonymous
Notifying Emergency Services
I saw a Radical Muslim fall into the icy Niagara River this morning about 8:20. As a responsible citizen, I informed the local office of emergency services. It’s now 6:00 PM and they still haven’t responded! I’m starting to think I’ve wasted a friggin’ stamp.
Dear Yahoo!
Dear Yahoo, I’ve never heard anyone say, “I don’t know, let’s Yahoo! it…” just saying… Sincerely, Google
Dear 2010
Dear 2010, So I hear the best rapper is white and the president is black? WTF happened?! Sincerely, 1985
Dear Rose
Dear Rose, There was definitely room on that Door for the both of us. Sincerely, Jack PS, you let go
Dear girls who have been dumped
Dear girls who have been dumped, There are plenty of fish in the sea… Just kidding! They’re all dead. Sincerely, BP
Gas Station Bathrooms
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they worried someone will clean them?
Toothbrushs and Toilets
My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he’d dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So I fished it out and threw it in the garbage. Zachary stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my bathroom and came out with my toothbrush. He held it up and said … Continue reading