After being married for 40 years, I took a careful look at my wife one day and said, “Forty years ago we had a cheap house, a junk car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 23-year-old girl. Now [...]
Calories are the little things that get into your wardrobe at night and sew your clothes tighter. MY CLOSET IS INFESTED WITH THE LITTLE SHITS
When you drink Vodka over ice, it can give you kidney failure, When you drink Rum over ice, it can give you liver failure, When you drink whiskey over ice, it can give you heart problems, When you drink Gin over ice, it can give you brain problems. Apparently, ice is really bad for you. [...]
Sweating profusely in his new t-shirt and long pants, a tribesman in a tropical jungle asks the missionary, “If I did not know about God, the devil, and sin, like going around naked as our people have always done, would I go to hell?” The missionary answers, “No, not if you didn’t know.” Upon which [...]
A woman went into hospital to have her wrinkles removed, but she woke up to find that the surgeon had given her breast implants. “What have you done?” she demanded. “I came here to have the wrinkles on my face removed, but instead you’ve given me these huge breasts.” “Yes,” said the surgeon, “but at [...]