I just got off the phone with a friend in Minnesota. He said that since early this morning the snow has been nearly waist high and is still falling. The temperature is dropping below zero and the north wind is increasing. His wife has done nothing but look through the kitchen window all day. He [...]
A man appears before a judge one day, asking for a divorce. The judge quietly reviews some papers and then says, “Please tell me why you are seeking a divorce.” “Because,” the man says, “I live in a three-story house.” The Judge replies, “What kind of a reason is that? What is the big deal [...]
A blonde walked into the pet store and, after looking up and down the aisles, asked the sales clerk for help. ‘I’d like a box of birdseed,’ said the lady. ‘For which kind of bird?’ he asked helpfully. ‘Oh, I dunno,’ she replied. ‘Whichever will grow the fastest.’
Max the plumber was summoned to a mansion to fix a leak and, discovering a very pretty maid there, he lost no time trying to combine business with pleasure. The girl refused on the grounds that her mistress was home, and she didn’t want to be discovered and fired. After several refusals, Max finished the [...]
A hooded robber burst into a Texas bank and forced the tellers to load a sack full of cash. On his way out the door, a brave Texas customer grabbed the hood and pulled it off revealing the robber’s face. The robber shot the customer without a moment’s hesitation. He then looked around the bank [...]
What do you call a man with a broken condom? “Daddy.”
Q. How do you know when it’s time to wash dishes and clean the house? A. Look inside your pants; if you have a penis, it’s not time.
Once upon a time, a Prince asked a beautiful Princess… “Will you marry me?” The Princess said “NO!” And the Prince lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and went fishing and hunting and played golf and dated women half his age and drank beer and scotch and had tons of money in the bank [...]
Q: Why did God create yeast infections? A: So women would know once in a while what it’s like to live with an irritating cunt.
Q. How do you turn a fox into an elephant? A. Marry it.
Any woman that thinks the way to a mans heart is through his stomach is aiming just a little too high.
What is the difference between a woman and a magnet? Magnets have a positive side!
Q:What is the difference between a wife and a girlfriend? A:About 45 pounds!!
Dad, what vagina looks like? Before sex: a pink rose with soft lovely petals and perfume aroma. And after sex? boy, have you ever seen a bulldog eating mayonnaise!
What do you call a woman who looses 90% of her intelligence ??……………………………a widow !!!!!