Category Archives: For Women

The handsome construction worker considered himself quite the stud, and indeed had no trouble persuading a good-looking recent acquaintance to come back to his apartment. After making love to her, he rolled over and lit a cigarette. His self-satisfied smile vanished, however, when the woman hopped out of bed and snapped, “You may look like … Continue reading

My husband came home with a tube of KY jelly and said, “This will make you happy tonight.” He was right. When he went out of the bedroom, I squirted it all over the doorknobs. He couldn’t get back in. ———————————————- A couple is lying in bed. The man says, “I am going to make … Continue reading

A guy is 62 years old and loves to fish. He was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say, “Pick me up.” He looked around and couldn’t see any one. He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again,” Pick me up.” He looked in the … Continue reading

“My boyfriend and I had hardly finished one argument when I screwed up and started another one.” said Jill. “How’d you do that?” asked Margaret. “Well,” says Jill “you know when you’re done with a big fight and your significant other suggests a little ‘make-up sex’?” “Yeah” says Margaret. Jill replies, “I guess it wasn’t … Continue reading

One morning while making breakfast, a man walked up to his wife and pinched her on her butt and said, “You know if you firmed this up we could get rid of your girdle.” While this was on the edge of intolerable, she thought herself better and replied with silence. The next morning the man … Continue reading

1. A friend of mine confused her Valium with her birth control pills. She has fourteen kids but she doesn’t really care.. 2. One of life’s mysteries is how a two-pound box of chocolates can make a woman gain five pounds. 3. My mind not only wanders, it sometimes leaves completely. 4. The best way … Continue reading

Three women were sitting around throwing back a few drinks and talking about their love lives. One woman said, “I call my husband ‘the dentist’. Nobody can drill like he does!” The second woman giggled and confessed, “I call my husband ‘the miner’ because of his incredible shaft.” The third woman quietly sipped her whiskey … Continue reading

A mother in law said to her son’s wife when the baby was born “I don’t mean to be rude, but he doesn’t look anything like my son.” The daughter in law lifted her skirt and said, “I don’t mean to be rude either, but this is a fanny, not a bloody photo copier

A prospective juror in a Dallas District Court was surprised by the definition of voluntary manslaughter given the panel: “An intentional killing that occurs while the defendant is under the immediate influence of sudden passion arising from an adequate cause, such as when a spouse’s mate is found in a ‘compromising position.’” “See, I have … Continue reading

Wife: ‘Do you want dinner?’ Husband: ‘Sure! What are my choices?’ Wife: ‘Yes or no.’

When a man talks dirty to a woman, it’s sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it’s $3.95 a minute

I just got off the phone with a friend living in northern Québec near the Ontario border. She said that early this morning the snow was nearly waist high and is still falling. The temperature is dropping and is about minus 15 degrees and the north wind is increasing to near gale force. Her husband … Continue reading

Women with Little Boobs… ..don’t cause a traffic accident every time they bend over in public ..always look younger ..find that dribbled food makes it to the napkin on their lap ..can always see their toes and shoes ..can sleep on their stomachs ..have no trouble sliding behind the wheel of small cars ..know that … Continue reading

She’s sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee. Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box. Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week. Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl. And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, ‘Relatives of yours?’ ‘Yep,’ the wife replied, ‘in-laws.’