An older married couple were sitting watching TV. The husband had the remote control and was constantly switching back and forth between a channel devoted exclusively to fishing and a porn channel… His wife became increasingly annoyed and said, “For God’s sake – leave it on the porn channel, you already know how to fish”….
“Oh Mom!” sobbed Little Mary, “I’m pregnant!” “What!? How could you?” screamed the Mother, “and just who is the father?” The daughter lifted up her tearful face and wailed, “How should I know? You’re the one who would never let me go steady!”
He said to me . … . I don’t know why you wear a bra; you’ve got nothing to put in it I said to him …. . . You wear pants don’t you?
He said to me … . ……… Shall we try swapping positions tonight? I said . That’s a good idea – you stand by the stove & sink while I sit on the sofa and do nothing but fart
He said to me. … What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you? I said to him . ….. Turn sideways and look in the mirror!
He said to me. ….. Why don’t women blink during foreplay? I said to him .. . They don’t have time.
He said to me. . How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper? I said to him .. .. I don’t know; it has never happened.
He said to me. . Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and Good- looking? I said to him . . . They already have boyfriends.
He said….What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night? I said. . . A widow.
He said to me…. Why are married women heavier than single women? I said to him .. . . Single women come home, see what’s in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what’s in bed and go to the fridge.
A man goes into a cocktail lounge and approaches Maxine, who is sitting by herself. Man: ‘May I buy you a cocktail?’ Maxine: ‘No thank you, alcohol is bad for my legs. Man: ‘Sorry to hear that. Do they swell?’ Maxine: ‘No, they spread
Two women, one rather overweight and one very thin, were together at a restaurant, discussing men. “Men may like to look at thin women, but they prefer to have sex with women who have some meat on their bones,” said the overweight woman. “Oh Really!!! Did your boyfriend tell you that?” said the thin one. [...]
A sweet young thing took her seat on opening day of her college class. The young man behind her tapped her on the shoulder and asked, “What are you doing wearing a football jersey?” The girl replied, “Why, I bought it and own it. Why shouldn’t I wear it?” He said, “You’re not supposed to [...]
He: “How many beers does it take to make you dizzy?” She: “About four or five, and don’t call me dizzy.”
Q. What’s the difference between mayonnaise & semen? A. Mayonnaise doesn’t hit the back of a girl’s throat at thirty miles an hour.