An elderly man suffered a massive heart attack . The family drove wildly to get him to the emergency room. After what seemed like a very long wait, the ER doctor appeared wearing his scrubs and a long face. Sadly, he said, “I’m afraid Grandpa is brain-dead, but his heart is still beating.” “Oh, Dear [...]
Two women were bemoaning the state of the National Health Service. One said, “Do you know, my ninety-three-year-old mother has been waiting over a year for her operation?” “That’s appalling,” said the other woman. “What a terrible way to treat someone of that age.” “I know,” said the first woman. “It got so bad that [...]
I went down to Social Services this morning to sign up my Dog for welfare. At first the lady said, “Dogs aren’t eligible to draw welfare.” So I explained to her that my Dog is unemployed, lazy, can’t speak English and has no frigging clue who his Daddy is. She looked in her policy book [...]
Please be advised: I sick of receiving questions about my dog who mauled 3 Muslims, 6 illegal aliens, 4 Democrats wearing Pelosi T-shirts, 2 rappers, 5 phone operators who asked me to press #1 for English, 9 teenagers with their pants hanging down past their cracks, 8 customer service desk people speaking in broken English, [...]
I am appalled at all my friends who are so opposed to the mosque near ground zero. To show our tolerance, we should let them build. Then right across the street, someone should put a topless bar, called “You Mecca Me Hot”. Next to that should be a gay bar, “The Turban Cowboy”. And next [...]
I met a fairy today who said she would grant me one wish. “I want to live forever,” I said. “Sorry” said the fairy, “I’m not allowed to grant wishes like that!” “Fine,” I said, “I want to die after the Democrats get their heads out of their asses!” “You crafty bastard,” said the fairy.
I have often wondered why it is that the conservatives are called the “right” and the liberals are called the “left.” By chance stumbled upon this verse in the Bible: Ecclesiastes 10:2 (NIV) “The heart of the wise inclines to the right, but the heart of the fool to the left.” Yep, that’s it!
It is wrong to call people “illegal immigrants.” The correct term is “unregistered Democrats.”
Aliens came to me last night. They said, ‘Take me to your leader”. When they saw Obama, they said, ‘Never-mind’.
Does anyone know how to cancel a bid on E-Bay? I put in a bid for a “Mickey Mouse Outfit,” and now it seems I’m only six minutes away from owning President Obama and his entire cabinet.