One of the questions was: “In the event of a fire, what steps would you take?”

“Fucken’ big ones” was apparently the wrong answer.

While attending a Marriage Weekend, Frank and his wife Ann listened to the instructor declare, “It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other.”
He then addressed the men.
“Can you name and describe your wife’s favorite flower?”
Frank leaned over, touched Ann’s arm gently, and whispered,
“Gold Medal-All-Purpose, Isn’t it?”

And thus began Frank’s life of celibacy.

While he was talking to me, his nurse came in and said,
“Doctor, there is a man here who thinks he’s invisible.”
The doctor said,
“Tell him I can’t see him.”
~~~~~

Another time, a man came running in the office and yelled,
“Doctor, doctor! – my son just swallowed a roll of film!”
The doctor calmly replied,
“Let’s just wait and see what develops.”
~~~~~

I remember one time I told my doctor
I had a ringing in my ears. His advice:
“Don’t answer it.”
~~~~~

My doctor sure has his share of nut cases.
One said to him, “Doctor, I think I’m a bell.”
The doctor gave him some pills and said,
“Here, take these – If they don’t work, give me a ring.”
~~~~~

Another guy told the doctor that he thought he was a deck of cards.
The doctor simply said,
“Go sit over there. I’ll deal with you later.”
~~~~~

When I told my doctor I broke my leg in two places,
He told me to stop going to those places.
~~~~~

You know, doctors can be so frustrating.
You wait a month and a half for an appointment,
Then he says,
“I wish you had come to me sooner.”