Joe grew up in small town America, then moved halfway across the country to attend college and law school.
After graduating, he returned to his small town roots, dreaming that one day he could be the big shot in town. He really wanted to impress everyone badly.
After opening his new law practice, business was very slow at first. One day, he saw a man coming up the sidewalk. He decided to make a big impression on this new client when he arrived.
As the man came to the door, Joe picked up the phone. He motioned the man in, all the while talking…
“No. Absolutely not. You tell those clowns in New York that I won’t settle this case for less than one million…”
“Yes. The Appeals Court has agreed to hear that case next week. I’ll be handling the primary argument and the other members of my team will provide support…”
“Okay. Tell the D.A. that I’ll meet with him next week to discuss the details…”
This behavior went on for almost 5 minutes. All the while, the visitor sat patiently as Joe rattled instructions.
Finally, Joe put down the phone and turned to the man. “I’m sorry for the delay, but as you can see, I’m very busy today. What can I do for you?”
The man replied, “I’m from the phone company. I came to hook up your phone.”
A Scotsman, carrying a huge suitcase, has been riding a London bus for five miles along its route, all the while attempting to avoid the ticket collector. Finally, the conductor manages to corner him and tells him to pay up. “You’ve been on for five miles — that’ll be 50 pence, please, and 10 pence … Continue reading
Luigi walks to work 20 blocks everyday and passes a shoe store twice every day. Each day he stops and looks in the window to admire the Armani leather shoes. He wants those shoes so much…it’s all he can think about. After about 2 months he saves the price of the shoes, $300, and purchases … Continue reading
Two priests are off to the showers late one night. They undress and step into the showers before they realize there is no soap. Father John says he has soap in his room and goes to get it, not bothering to dress. He grabs two bars of soap, one in each hand, while he is … Continue reading
What’s the CUBAN national anthem? “Row, Row, Row Your Boat”
Morris ran into Jacob while shopping at the mall the other day and noticed that he had a small gift wrapped box in his hand. Jacob told Morris, “Beckie’s birthday is coming up and when I asked her what she wanted for her birthday she said, “Oh, I don’t know just give me something with … Continue reading
A man wrote a letter to a small hotel in a Midwest town he planned to visit on his Vacation. He wrote: I would very much like To bring my dog with me. He is well- groomed And very well behaved. Would you be willing To permit me to keep him in my room with … Continue reading
Teacher: If I give you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many will you have? Johnny: Seven, Sir. Teacher: No, listen carefully… If I give you 2 cats, and another 2 cats and another 2, how many will you have? Johnny: Seven, Sir. Teacher: Let me put it to you differently. … Continue reading
A fellow on his wedding night in the hotel says to his new wife. “My God! I never realized you had such huge droopy breasts.” The wife has a Major dummy spit and throws him out of the room. While he is sitting in The hall another fellow comes out down the hall . “What … Continue reading
Their spelling….not mine! “Dear School: Please excuse John from being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33.” “Please excuse Dianne from being absent yeaterday. She was in bed with gramps.” “Please excuse Johnnie for being. It was his father’s fault.” “Chris will not be in school because he has an acre … Continue reading
An old guy goes to his doctor for his physical and gets sent to the Urologist as a precaution. When he gets there, he discovers the Urologist is a very pretty female doctor. The female doctor says, “I’m going to check your prostate today, but this new procedure is a little different from what you … Continue reading
There was this little guy sitting in a bar, drinking, minding his own business when all of a sudden this great big dude comes in and –WHACK!! — He knocks him off the bar stool and says, “That was a karate chop from Korea.” The little guy thinks “GEEZ” but he gets back up on … Continue reading
The teacher wrote on the blackboard: “I ain’t had no fun in months,” then asked the class, “How should I correct this sentence?” Little Johnny raised his had and replied, “Get yourself a new boyfriend.”
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles.. The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife… She directs him down the correct aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a huge … Continue reading
A man walked in to his local butcher to find his regular butcher, John absent so he asks the manager, “Where’s John?” The manager tells the man that John was fired because he was found sticking his dick in the meat slicer” Then the man asked, “Where is the meat slicer now?” The butcher then … Continue reading